Exercises to increase appreciation

1.

Keeping a gratitude journal in which you write down the things that were positive (you were thankful for) at the end of the day. (For further instructions, click here.) Additionally, you can write a letter about the things and people you are grateful for, which you may share or keep for yourself.

2.

Expressing it when you notice something positive about someone or something. This is especially effective when it’s done honestly, graciously, expressively, and in detail. For example, instead of just saying, “You look beautiful,” ask yourself what exactly you find beautiful and what went through your mind as you looked at this person. This way, a simple “You look beautiful” can become something like, “The way the sunlight brings out the tone of your hair color right now is really beautiful; it looks like you take good care of your hair.” This sort of expression is more authentic, special, and giving and can therefore create a better foundation for connection. Make it a habit to express the positive things you become aware of by honoring what you truly think and expressing it with detail.

To start simple: make it your goal to give one honest compliment to someone—no matter who—every day for the next month.

3.

Start treating yourself the way you would treat a good friend. Whenever you have a decision to make, pause and imagine your best friend is the one facing this issue—what would you advise them to do? Appreciation for others often comes naturally when we feel it for ourselves, yet people often treat themselves worse than they ever would a friend. Pay attention to moments when you’re beating yourself up internally, talking down to yourself, or feeling shame, guilt, or blame. Society often labels this sort of self-flagellation as virtuous, pious, modest, or moral. In reality, this self-harm usually doesn’t help anyone but simply creates more suffering and less good in the world. You have to decide whether that is true or not and whether you are ready to allow yourself to stop beating yourself up. One way to do so is through the Social 5 awareness exercises, as well as by practicing staying out of cognitive distortions.

4.

Let your curiosity guide you, and ask questions that genuinely interest you.
People are complex, and we can probably learn something from anyone. Ask yourself: What do I wonder about this person? What do I want to know about them? What makes me curious? Then, ask that question. This is a good way to connect with people by being authentic and simultaneously increasing your overall appreciation—because the more you see how much there is to learn about everyone, the more fascinating everyone will appear.

In addition to these exercises, it can help to understand two philosophical perspectives to increase our appreciation for others:

Existence itself is a wonder. Isn’t it odd that things exist? There could be nothing at all, couldn’t there? Yet things, and even beings as complex as humans, exist. Isn’t that strange? And doesn’t that make everything that exists precious from our intuitive perspective? Think about the sheer unlikelihood of someone existing—the sum of everything required for that person to be and to be the way they are, and how unlikely all of this is. An inconceivable number of circumstances could have prevented this person from being here or could have made them entirely different. And yet they exist, in their unique, special way.

Regardless of whether you believe in God or evolution, everything in life could have been completely different or not exist at all, couldn’t it? In that light, everyone can be viewed as precious and valuable simply because they are.

Life is constantly changing. The second perspective goes back to the famous saying “Pantha rhei” as it’s associated with Heraclitus, meaning everything flows, everything changes. More to the point: the people we interact with are aging, will likely struggle through hardships, and will eventually die one day. They are here now—which is a miracle in itself—and yet it looks like they won’t be here forever. How precious and unique is the present moment we share with them, considering the constant change of life. Who knows who will still be here tomorrow? Who knows how things will turn out for everyone? Let’s treat each other with the appreciation and respect we all deserve.