Maladaptive Cognitions

What are maladaptive cognitions?

Maladaptive cognitions are patterns in the way we think and interpret our perceptions that do not benefit us. Maladaptive cognitions contribute to the development and persistence of many mental disorders, as well as to conditions like loneliness. For example, a wide range of studies indicates that lonely people usually exhibit more biased interpretations—known as interpretive bias—in social situations. More often than others lonely individuals perceive social threats where there are none, attribute negative and hostile intentions to others’ behavior, expect to be rejected, evaluate themselves and others more negatively, and have little trust in their ability to change their situation (e.g., Spithoven et al., 2017¹).

The link between maladaptive cognitions and loneliness is so strong that addressing these cognitions has been shown in many investigations to be among the most effective ways to treat loneliness (e.g., Masi et al., 2011²; Zagic et al., 2022³; Riddleston, 2023⁴).

Some of the most typical maladaptive cognitions present in lonely individuals are:

1. Negative interpretation biases (e.g., Lau et al., 2021⁵; Nombro et al., 2022⁶; Okruszek et al., 2021⁷) → the tendency to interpret others’ harmless behavior as negative, hostile, and personal.
2. Increased rejection sensitivity (e.g., Gao et al., 2017⁸; Zhou et al., 2020⁹) → the tendency to be overly afraid of, and overly hurt by, rejection.
3. Negative self-evaluation and low self-esteem (e.g., Geukens et al., 2022¹⁰; Ti et al., 2022¹¹) → this can include viewing oneself as not worthy or good enough.
4. Social avoidance behavior (e.g., Skoko et al., 2024¹²) → the tendency to avoid social contact (e.g., not talking with people, not going out, etc.).

These maladaptive cognitions are often characterized by so-called cognitive distortions (irrational patterns in our thinking), such as personalization and overgeneralization. To address cognitive distortions, negative interpretation biases, social avoidance behavior, and low self-esteem cognitive behavioral therapy methods like cognitive restructuring have proven to be beneficial and are therefore an integral part of the road out of loneliness.

Typical cognitive distortions in lonely people

Typical cognitive distortions in lonely individuals would be thoughts like:

• They looked at me weirdly; they don’t like me.
• They are laughing; it must be about me.
• They think I’m a loser.
• They wouldn’t be interested in what I have to say.
• They won’t accept me if I show my true self.
• I am stupid, boring, ugly, unattractive, not what other people like, unpopular, worthless…
• I deserve to be lonely.
• Nobody gets me; I’m too different from other people to become friends with them.
• Other people are untrustworthy, stupid, hostile, insensitive…
• My mental or physical condition makes it impossible for me to have stable relationships with other people.

All of these sentences are irrational. They display distorted perceptions of the world and logical errors that usually sabotage social interactions—sometimes so much so that the very things lonely people tend to worry about actually come true, and they do get rejected or ignored and left alone, which strengthens the distorted thought patterns even more and creates a vicious cycle.

Are you having cognitive distortions?

Ask yourself: Do you often have negative feelings when you are in social situations—or afterward, when you reflect on them? Do you often feel rejected? Unnoticed? Ignored? Attacked? Made fun of? Bullied? Like you don’t belong to the popular and attractive people? That people find you boring? That you are boring? Do you feel unwanted, unappreciated, or not seen when communicating with others? Do you feel like people don’t understand you? Do you feel you are too different for others to relate to you? Do you think other people are not trustworthy and that you’d better not share vulnerable information with them? Do you think people are usually egotistical?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, there are most likely cognitive distortions at work behind these feelings and thoughts, however “bulletproof” your perceptions and interpretation may feel to you. These negative beliefs would most likely not withstand being thoroughly tested over time by exposing yourself to enough other people and practicing evaluating the interactions as objectively as possible. In short, these negative beliefs are simply not true, and the lies you are telling yourself are not only hurtful in the moment but also likely to sabotage your life in the long run.

How to get rid of cognitive distortions

Overcoming our cognitive distortions can take time since there are many. When you click the “Learn more about cognitive distortions” button at the bottom of this page, you’ll be directed to a more comprehensive list of cognitive distortions, along with examples and methods to address them. It is highly recommended to familiarize yourself with the most common cognitive distortions once you have read through this page. To keep it simple, you can start by considering the basic principle for dealing with cognitive distortions outlined below.

Basic principle to get rid of cognitive distortions

The basic principle in freeing oneself from cognitive distortions can be described as follows:

1. Whenever you have a negative emotion, take a look at the negative thought that preceded it.
2. Challenge the thought with logic and objective evidence by asking:
   • Do I have evidence for my initial interpretation?
   • Are there alternative explanations?
   • Am I overly focusing on the negative aspects?
   • Would I say the same thing to a friend in a similar situation?
3. Find a more rational and balanced replacement thought.

Let’s take a more specific look at typical maladaptive cognitions and exemplary cognitive distortions in loneliness:

Next: Social Skills →

Sources

1. Spithoven, A. W. M., Bijttebier, P., & Goossens, L. (2017). It is all in their mind: A review on information processing bias in lonely individuals. Clinical Psychology Review, 58, 97-114. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.10.003 ↩︎
2. Masi, C. M., Chen, H. Y., Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2011). A meta-analysis of interventions to reduce loneliness. Personality and social psychology review : an official journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, Inc, 15(3), 219–266. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868310377394 ↩︎
3. Zagic, D., Wuthrich, V. M., Rapee, R. M., & Wolters, N. (2022). Interventions to improve social connections: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Social psychiatry and psychiatric epidemiology, 57(5), 885–906. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-021-02191-w ↩︎
4. Riddleston, L., Bangura, E., Gibson, O., Qualter, P., & Lau, J. Y. F. (2023). Developing an interpretation bias modification training task for alleviating loneliness in young people. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 168, 104380. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2023.104380 ↩︎
5. Lau, J. F., Shariff, R., & Meehan, A. (2021). Are biased interpretations of ambiguous social and non-social situations a precursor, consequence or maintenance factor of youth loneliness? Behaviour Research and Therapy, 140, 103829. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2021.103829 ↩︎
6. Nombro, E., MacNeill, A. L., & DiTommaso, E. (2022). Interpreting ambiguous situations: The role of loneliness. Personality and Individual Differences, 199,111862. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2022.111862 ↩︎
7. Okruszek, Ł., Piejka, A., Krawczyk, M., Schudy, A., Wiśniewska, M., Żurek, K., & Pinkham, A. (2021). Owner of a lonely mind? Social cognitive capacity is associated with objective, but not perceived social isolation in healthy individuals. Journal of Research in Personality, 93, 104103. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2021.104103 ↩︎
8. Gao, S., Assink, M., Cipriani, A., & Lin, K. (2017). Associations between rejection sensitivity and mental health outcomes: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 57, 59-74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2017.08.007 ↩︎
9. Zhou, J., Li, X., Tian, L., & Huebner, E. S. (2020). Longitudinal association between low self-esteem and depression in early adolescents: The role of rejection sensitivity and loneliness. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 93(1), 54-71. https://doi.org/10.1111/papt.12207 ↩︎
10. Geukens, F., Maes, M., Spithoven, A., Pouwels, J. L., Danneel, S., Cillessen, A. H. N., van den Berg, Y. H. M., & Goossens, L. (2022). Changes in adolescent loneliness and concomitant changes in fear of negative evaluation and self-esteem. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 46(1), 10-17. https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025420958194 ↩︎
11. Ti, Y., Wei, J., & Hao, Z. (2022). The longitudinal association between loneliness and self-esteem among Chinese college freshmen. Personality and Individual Differences, 193, 111613. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2022.111613 ↩︎
12. Skoko, A., Kaeser, J., Seewer, N. et al. Preliminary investigation of the regulatory loop of loneliness and the protective role of self-esteem – a cross-sectional study. Curr Psychol 43, 24664–24677 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-024-06185-0 ↩︎